A Dead Man's Book of Journey Part IX : What Was First Love Like

so what was it like?

you asked

I recalled a memory years old

back in the day where everything feels young

the air was full of spirit

the day was full of sunlight

and the night was full of you and me

aah, the starry nights

those cloudy skies

and our starlight love

just what we were thinking about

just when we were left alone

just when the lights are off

just when our love alone lights the moments on

she was clinging to me..

telling lies of how much she loves me..

like a dumb fish I ate her dumb bait

saying "forever shall we be"

she asked me to hold her tight

I did..

she asked me to touch her, light

I did..

just no matter of how young we were

when it comes to a kiss

I can't help but knowing it's too late

yeah.. for moments and moments

love was like a poison

deadly.. for we were handling it without care

love was a lot like cocaine

addictive.. for each day we were seeking of nothing but more

we sailed to orion

a place no one dare to step on

we dove to neptune's throne

a place no one could reach before

no one young like us

no one young like the two of us

we were cursed to love each other

like we were cursed to leave each other

you keep loving people the way you loved me

but I can't love anyone else the way I loved you

cuz my love was only for you

and I just want my only mistake was just with you

now you are singing lullaby each night

for a kid with her scary dad..

still you love him the way you loved me

and still I can't love anyone else the way I loved you

when you are looking into my eyes

you say : thank you for everything

no, my once-so-dear..

fuck you for everything..

A Dead Man's Book of Journey Part VIII : Enemies of Light

Winter comes, and our hearts are shivering

A story of love, the flower of live is withering

There in the depth of nothingness where a drop of water will never survive the cold

It’s crystallized into dead-cold thorns of Ice

As if it feels this freezing drop of blood out of my wounded heart

Enough of this path

I can’t stand the pressure

Every moment burns these muscles

That it leaves fresh-red trail on my steps

Enough of this senseless devotion

It dives through my vein like a venom

Whispering words of despair in each second ticks

Brings me closer to a moment of dying I can never imagine

So why was I so kind to the world

If it pays me back with plague I’d owe him to death?

Why was I so sincere, never run out of affection in my hands?

Why did I let myself down for an unworthy feeling?

Why did I let these eyes blinded by a blurry light of a candle of hope

Lightyears away?

There was no yesterday

Not even tomorrow exists for a broken heart

All that were here will turn to dust

All that were something will turn into nothing

And finally that prayer I did the last day of Fall answered

Angels in black, covered in their wings of dark

Has finally came all the way down to the lowest ground

Delivering just a word from the high Lord

“Arise”, now that I think it’s already too late to get back

Out of the heat of hellfire judgement I was chosen

To lead his army into the last war in heaven

He lend me strength, give me understanding

Bless me his wicked thoughts

Weaponize me with guilt

That now I’m just a mere name of the holy book’s favorite

Enemies of Light, Descendant of the damned

General of my own majesty

On the ministry of Nine Pillars of Hell

I will ride these starving dragons

Marching toward the throne of god

Whiter than white, darker than black

When I’m no longer a man but a long dead warrior of bleeding hatred

I will play the cadence of ultimate redemption

That will flood the moon with tears of sorrow

And the rain would be a crimson blessing fallen on earth

Here comes the me, oh my dear winter nights

I’m scared of your cold no more

I can never go back and live the life I’ve left

Now I’m a part of the battle

I vowed my destiny would belong to the King of Deathless Soul

Reigning under his shadow throne for another age of ascension

We don’t lose for too long, we’re the ones who will not die

That’s why I can never wait to pay you back a kiss I owe you

A moment I always want you to fall into

A few seconds of regret where you can never run away from

So breathe with me, I won’t try to own you though

Let’s just look back at all you’ve done to me

I’ll amend you, yet it’s going to hurt you a bit..



(Inspired by : Dream Theater - Lost Not Forgotten)

A Dead Man's Book of Journey Part VII : We Set Sail Off of This Sunken Ship

We walk this life like writing a long long story
each day is another beginning
we'd scratch the book of our story with some memories
those we'd tell our children as an epic tale
some are heroic, yet mostly are simply pathetic

We chase our dream like an artist
Each time The sun rises, we'd have done another strokes
On a canvas that was white
with another red, another blue
we'd fill the plain us with hope, expectation, some wishes

Then we'd spread the wings of Icarus
to set us free from this cage of the cruel world
out to the furthest, everlasting liberation
we flew upon the saddest mourns of our time
we rose up to some altitude we did never imagine
we felt the high skies air so soothing
we float among the brightest cloud under the sun
such a place we thought never exists, towns of the skies

we were in chase
of the celestial beauty
said to be dwelling somewhere on earth
it was just one and the only
which would pierce through any heart
makes all kings of devil kneels before it
and all angels shall surrender upon its presence
and the leaves of heaven's pillar shall fall
down to the lowest ground

life was beautiful, love was beautiful
some old songs was beautiful
few words from your deepest thought were beautiful
one to seven, each half step was beautiful
and the kiss of a desperate virgin in a summer night,
it was all just beautiful

yet sure god is too picky
to give birth to this sense like a revelation
ain't the same for every beating heart
ain't well spread like a falling rain
when my eyes finally able to see
and my ears able to listen
my heart is able to feel
that the beauty we're looking for ain't so far
it's in us, in every color of our skins
in every beat of our hearts
in every thought of our minds
yet you just left our stance

was told we're in search of the ultimate wonder
I found one in the colors on the skies
auroras, starlights and rainbows
I found one in the sounds of the music
the harmony, the symphony, the rhapsody
I found one between people's heart
affection, devotion, admiration
just why can't you see?

was just told that what should be our next stop
is uncertainity
just why can't you feel we're already here?
We've been through the darkest path
been menacing the Immortals
been tried to play one though
been grasping the forsaken artifact
one that was believed to be gone forever
found all we've dreamed about
still you staring at me telling that these are all lies?

Our ship is sinking yet we try to stand on board
I regret all of the things we argue
we should never have one
you just don't want to believe

so I play this, one last song for you
as we both would be damned by the king of seas, soon enough
this is the end, yet you are still my friend
we will be holding hands forever
on the other side, we will set sail off of the same ship
and chase the same dream again

Dead Man's Book of Journey part VI : I See My Bride in You

A moment in a silent night

I walked the path human pray their children not to fall into

Hands covered with blood

With some stranger's scent on my trail

I snatched thousands of life barehanded

I offered the best drops to the goddess

I keep the demon's pride upon this barren earth

What else to tell, all keys to the gates of hell

Just for now, it's different

I have got no heart

But why did my chest feel the beat?

That was the second I look into her eyes

My flesh and bones has refined by hellfire

But why did I feel the pain?

That was the moment I touched her

I have wiped all signs of emotion away of me

Why still I spare her life?

She's just some stranger

And I let her go

She's just a mere bitch

Yet I feel sorry before I even unleash her scream

Out to the real world

We all swim within the ocean of possibilities

I have nothing but an answer

For questions the night have brought to me

It must be her

The one and the only

My dear first and my dear last

Has finally hear my whispers

Out of the ashes she reborns

Out of the blood I spilled she awakens

Out of the souls I ripped she comes alive

My dear bride, queen of all damned

I finally feel your presence is in thirst

I see what those wicked eyes are longing for

A fountain of virgin's tears

I hear what those sweet lips whisper back at me

Let us unite one more time, my love

Raise your hands by the sundown

I will take you to sail through the night

I will hold your hands and dance with you

We'd spread our yearning madness throughout the world

We'd call forth the dead stars to shower our dark skies

We'd spill more blood than which ever written in the book of wars

We'd mow these tasty fools clean

We'd harvest their lust and dye the earth red over black

So that I will have you in my arms again

Just hold me tight, I'm setting you free with her wasted youth

(chuckles...)

(inspired by : Forsaken - Dream Theater)

Dead Man's Book of Journey part V : How Deep is The Darkness?

I have come this far

To the depth of my sorrow

This is where no tears left to cry

No more pain to endure

I gave up my very heart to the ruler of the other side

She said she’d give me more than I always wanted

Be it power, be it knowledge, be it truth

“How low can you go?” she asked

“How high can you take me?” I asked her back

It is not a game of god

It is a long walk across the skies

You will never know how far you can go

Because no one walks the same path

And no one arrives at the same end

And I dare myself for the challenge

I would walk on the flame

I would swim in the sands

I would drink your poison

Just for a sense of understanding

That I just wanted to see through

What lies beneath their hearts

What hides within their eyes

Intentions masked by their smiles

All that causes them pretending

Like they’re one worth a trust

So this is where it all begins

A point of no return

Where angels paint their wings black

And pathetic humans strive for ascension

Just the way I am

Diving into an endless wave of hatred

I see the colors of pain

Some blurry mist of hopelessness

All weaving this world of agony

And we feed ourselves with everything inside

There is no need to worry

One would rise above the others

One would be destined to conquer this all

One would understand the depth of darkness

One would challenge the holy throne

We’re just here to give a try

Until we find a reason to give up

Or the honor to step higher..

It is... awakening of the damned

Dead Man's Book of Journey part IV : Moments of Togetherness

It was when summer comes into my age

Beatiful, like butterfly wings

As the sun lights up my best days

and the sweden northern lights of my best nights

Because of you on my very side

Yeah, it was wonderful back then

I saw you smiling at me each time I open my eyes

I heard you chuckle when I pretended to be fallen asleep

We laughed the same laughter

We strove to the same goals

We shared the damn tears

And all the time we held each other’s hands

In good times, in struggling days

You would take me to the beach where I can see the sun sets

We were laying our backs on the sand

Staring at the sky which was always blue

Clouds, starfish, shells

anything we found we would be happy to talk about

we were running into the meadows

only to meet the deer mowed the grassland

we would look for the bad wolf, hiding owls

playing hide and seek under the trees

just like no lovers else

our feeling was chapters of adventure

new day, new play

across the meadows and the forest

there was a land covered with snow

wonderfully white, everlasting cold

there we lit the fire

You were sitting close to me

Put your head on my shoulder

Heart to heart

There goes the talk

As the snow falls, we’d wander around the universe

And I’d share all the heat left in me

For you to survive the night

So that tomorrow you’d wake up smiling

Asking me what kinda dream I’ve had

Whether it was about you or about us

We’d lit the fire again and have another wonderful day

Before the wind took you

Before the stars bury all that’s left from our togetherness

I just feel good

Too good to live the same life again

Too good to walk the same path again

Too good to be fallen into such love again

Too good to be there, waiting for you again

I have had enough, with nothing left in my hands

I believe, what is there for me now is just a moment

Where I’d be wither and say goodbye

I just want to thank the book of life

For all the joy written for me

For all that I can never forget

Until my role on the play ends

I’d say I enjoyed it all

Now the ship has come to take me

To the land far, faraway

Endless darkness awaits

Everlasting curse is longing for me

I’m ready to sail to the other side

(Inspired by : a girl I never want to mention the name^^)